Nigeria should Legalize Corruption

Should corruption be legalized? How corrupt are Nigerians? Is the corruption rate in Nigeria high or are Nigerians just exaggerating? These are questions that even Nigerians are yet to answer themselves. The Incumbent president came with an agenda to fight corruption and he has received severe backlash from those who think he is tarnishing the Image of prominent Nigerians or Nigeria as a whole. Former Prime minister of the UK David Cameron called us “fantastically corrupt” and the entire social media was plunged by Nigerians wailing about his statement. Popular belief is the president himself is corrupt and should be probed. In case no one has noticed, Nigerians love corruption. It is the bed we lie on and the one thing we hold dearest to our heart. It is to us as wine is to the drunk. Corruption is the Nigerian idea of being ‘smart and wise’. I have given this a lot of thought and I have come up with the best solution to solve the corruption issue of Nigeria. Nigeria should legalize Corruption. Yes! You read that right. I know this doesn’t sit well with you as the reader and you are feeling this is stupid but please hear me out.

Every Nigerian has at one point or the other been involved in a form of corrupt practice or has abetted the act. Therefore, we can deduce that the average Nigerian is a corrupt man. Corruption is a Nigerian problem not just a problem of those in power. When we stop at check points and the driver of a commercial vehicle we are riding on refuses to grease the officer’s palm, we think he is just being stubborn. Many of us start to caution the driver with the “what is the big deal? Just give him what he wants” speech. Every time a Nigerian has his right trampled upon by a person who is supposed to render service, other Nigerians around don’t help the situation. They start playing devil’s advocate and saying “that is how they have been doing it, you are not the only one, others didn’t complain…” blah blah blah. So legalize corruption and we won’t have these dramas. The driver would already know that the officer is entitled to a bribe.

The masses are the ones who need this the most. During election, politicians bring food stuffs, condiments, sewing machines, tricycles amongst other things to buy our votes and we so willingly and gladly give it to them for that which we have received. But think of it this way, with corruption legalized, you can actually bargain with the politicians. Your negotiation power increases and your electoral earnings skyrocket. When politician A comes, you give him the list of things you need before you can give your vote and even request huge sums of money instead of the peanuts handed to you. Every politician brings heaven to your feet. After all when they are elected, they do nothing. So you might as well make enough money and gather enough resources to last you 4 years till it is time to gather some more. Let the highest bidder win and May the odds be forever in your favor.

Another really important reason why corruption should be legalized would be to put Nigeria on the map as the best in something at least. We are not the best in education, medicals, science, technology or anything. Corruption is our way of telling the world “even we are good at something.” We would spit be the first country to legalize corruption and go down in history as the first country to do that while setting a trend for other countries (especially African countries) to follow. We would be revered with the “mother of corruption” title. We would gain popularity for the notorious act but No publicity is bad publicity. Try imagining it. Now tell me, don’t you just love the images in your head already?

These men of God that have been linked with corruptions and those who promote and hawk it in their churches will be vindicated. With corruption legalized, the idea that it is sin will no longer exist. They can now carry out the campaigns with a peaceful mind knowing that there is no harm in being corrupt

Nigerian students tip their lecturers. We tip at hospitals, schools, banking halls… every damn where So that we are not kept waiting or ours is not delayed and ignored forever. To be employed, you pay bribe, to get water or light in your house, you tip them. To even get a contract in Nigeria, you pay a sum. Can we just legalize this corruption thing so we can have that out of the way and move forward? Let’s all be aware we need to pay a bribe to survive and not be angry about it anymore.

In any case, Nigerians already have the “chop and clean mouth” attitude. Most Nigerians have vowed to take their own share of the national cake once we get to a position where we can taste it. So why pretend this wouldn’t help you be free from the type of embarrassment many of these Nigerian elites are facing right now. You can now eat the national cake and walk boldly out of the room carrying both the cake tray and the knife unquestioned. You haven’t done anything wrong and EFCC would be scraped.

I know you already like the idea. I love it too. Everyday criminals go scot free here. Would it not be better if we just stopped fooling ourselves and accept the truth that we Nigerians love the situation of Nigeria and wouldn’t change it for anything in the world? We can fool everyone but we can’t fool ourselves. We know we like it, love it, and adore it. So quit the pretence and agitate for the legalization of corruption instead. Let us be able to leave a legacy for the upcoming Nigerian children.

With this few points of mine, I hope I have been able to convince and not confuse you that legalizing corruption is the way forward for Nigeria.

P.S: it is common knowledge that humans like to do the opposite of what they are told. So….